Going back to work … ο»Ώ

I need to grow some balls, and grow them quickly! ! 


Today I am going back to work 😒I can’t even tell you why am I so upset. Is it because I had to leave my girls ? Is it because I know that I won’t see them all the time? Is it because I am going back to work ? It is because I won’t be the first one to see every single new thing that Skylar will do? Is it because I am worried that Skylar won’t know what is going one? Is it because I worry that she will think that I abounded her ? Is it because I won’t be there for my girls all the time, and every time that they needs me? It’s probably all of the above. I know that the nursery is good for kids, they learn a lot there, do loads of things that I wouldn’t do with them at home, teaches them social skills etc. But the truth is : no one, no matter how amazing they are (girls do have an amazing grandparents) will be able to look after your child as well as you are. 

I know that after few weeks we all will be fine, settled in to our new routine, making the most of our new life … but until then I will have a cry here and there … 

WEEK 23 of our life as a family of 4 !


WEEK 23 is gone … yet another week has shot by and I don’t even know when?! or how?! It is really freaking me out how quickly time is going. It’s funny how with my first daughter I couldn’t wait for the next step, next development, needing to buy the next load of clothes ; with the second one it is totally opposite … I want her to grow slower, to stay little, to be my little baby for a little bit longer . So what have we accomplished this week? *s…t loads of washing… again !!! *failure at progressing with Skylar’s weaning. And this is not down to her not wanting to eat, she has an appetite of an elephant. We were meant to start two meals a day but somehow I didn’t manage to get vegetables steamed in time or had enough time to prep it. I just keep forgetting about it and remembering that poor Skylar is eating now as well just before we were siting down for a meal. So I kicked my arse and ordered new tableware for her, lots of cereals fruits vegetables and I WILL REMEMBER to cook for her from now on 😊*went back to exercising after a few weeks break. I am on the mission to get beach ready. *Got undisturbed 6 hours of sleep !!! πŸŽ‰Followed by being up every hour the following nightπŸ˜‚

*Discovered that melamine is dangerous ??!! Am I the only ignorant mum out there? I didn’t have a clue about it! Also didn’t have a clue that you should not be putting it in to a microwave ??!! How can you design kids tableware which you can’t put in to microwave and which is dangerous ??!! I feel so stupid !!!

BE HAPPY !Β 


To the woman who got angry because I had to stop to pick up Chloe’s rabbit off the floor and it delayed her by 5 seconds. To the man who was getting very impatient because I had too many things that had to go through the X-ray screening at the airport and it took me 2 minutes longer than other people. To the guy who was giving me disapproving looks because my daughter was singing too loudly. To the countless people who chose not to hold any of the many doors for my husband who was carrying several bags as well as my daughter. To the woman who felt the need to say stuff under her nose because our 2 year-old daughter wouldn’t stay without moving in the queue for 20 min. To the old guy who was looking disapprovingly at my daughter because she accidentally got under his feet JUST CHILL OUT, SLOW DOWN AND STOP BEING SO MISERABLE!! I know that we all have10000000 things to do and have to get to lots of different places, and that’s ok as far as this doesn’t make you a horrible person and you don’t forget to be nice to others ! Life is too short to be so inconsiderate, miserable and horrible. JUST BE HAPPY !!! 

Baby sensory classes !Β 

Baby sensory is one class that I would recommend everyone attend with their babies. It’s the most incredible class which combines music classes, sing and sign classes, massage and SO MUCH MORE. It provide ideas for play, massage, tummy time, movement, visual development, hand-eye coordination and music in simple practical ways that can easily be repeated at home. 


Each class is different and very exciting with themed weeks. You and your little one can enjoy everything from a beach party, going on a animal adventure, exploring the sea, having fun in the snow and much more. There are also special additional classes to help you celebrate the special days like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day Or Babies First Christmas.  


 It is designed to stimulate, educate and help you bond with your baby. It also helps you meet new mums and make friends. 


I have done it with my first baby since she was 6 weeks old and I am doing it now with my second. I love it and so does my daughter. If you want to find out more just go to the baby sensory website http://www.babysensory.com 

TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM !!!!!!

 We had had 2 very difficult weeks with Chloe. From nowhere she started having the most horrible tantrums. Never in my life have I seen something like that! She was like a child possessed screaming, crying, throwing herself on the floor …. this would last for almost an hour at a time!!!!!! What made the whole experience very upsetting is that there was nothing that me or my husband could do to help Chloe. Seeing your child, who is normally as good as an angel (and the naughtiest things she does is not to come straight away when you call her) change in to such a mess is very distressing.  I have spent hours researching what it is and what can trigger it and decided to share my knowledge. 


WHAT IS A TANTRUM / MELTDOWN 

 β€œTantrum” is commonly used to describe milder outbursts, during which a child still retains some measure of control over his or her behaviour. Tantrums are part of normal developmental behaviour for children aged 1-3 and over. They are not “naughty” or used deliberately to wind you up.  

“Meltdown” This is opposed to a meltdown, during which a child loses control so completely that the behavior only stops when he wears himself out and/or the parent is able to calm him down.

 

WHY DO THEY HAPPEN ?

Emotions and inability to deal with them are behind it. 

ANGER – If the child feels angry because : You don’t want to give them chocolate which they need, don’t want to buy them new toy which they have to have, don’t let them watch more tv. 

ANXIETY – is a big trigger; it causes kids to freak out, overriding the logic that would enable her to see that her anxiety is out of proportion to the situation. 

FRUSTRATION – very often due to limited language, or lacking the skills to complete tasks for example: getting stuck with a jumper half-way on, or a piece of puzzle that won’t fit.

INDEPENDENCE – they want to be independent and do things themselves : walking, choosing theirs clothes, eating etc. 

TIREDNESS AND HUNGER 

CHANGE TO THE ROUTINE – this can unsettle your child and make them feel unsafe. Any new routine, changes in the family like an arrival of a sibling. 

Or any of the reasons that Chloe has had them : 

Offer them a cup of milk.

Ask them if they want to get up. 

Ask if they want to eat something. 

Change them out of a dirty nappy. 

Ask if they are ok. 

Because I looked at her. 

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

At that would sometimes happen ….


HOW TO STOP TANTRUMS 

To stop tantrums you need to help the child gain control over their emotions. Some of the most common issues that cause children to act out in negative ways are hunger, tiredness, frustration, boredom or over-stimulation.

Once you identify the real reason behind your child’s actions, you can often solve this at the first sign of negative behaviour, before your child dissolves into a full-blown tantrum.

DISTRACTION – one of the ways to stop the tantrum is to take attention away of what has triggered it. Show them something, ask them to help you etc. Get them to focus on something else.

IGNORE – if the tantrum has started then ignoring it is very often the best thing to do. Leave the room and the child very often stops the tantrum because there is no audience and they get no reaction.  

HUG – sometimes they just need to be cuddled and told that it’s all ok and that you are there for them. 

GIVE THEM SPACE – if it is a full blown tantrum or meltdown sometimes the only thing you can do is to leave them until they calm down. 

TALK TO YOUR CHILD – if there are some changes coming to their life talk about it and explain them to your child in advance. Kids understand much more than we as parents think they do. Ask them why have they behaved like that and tell them that next time if they feel like that they can do “something” else like talk to you, come for a hug etc. With time they will learn how to deal with it. 

  Most important of all is to remember that you are the grown up. It can be very hard and very frustrating for the parent. I went through every single emotion I can think of when Chloe was having those terrible tantrums : sad, worried, annoyed, frustrated, angry, tearfull, heartbroken ….. when it was getting to me I raised my voice at her, told her that I would take her toys away or once when I couldn’t handle it I even compared her to “good and nice Skylar” (something I promised myself I will never do). When the situation is getting to you just take a very deep breaths and remember you are the grown up who understands what is happening or leave the room until you are composed. 

 Our tantrums lasted just over 2 weeks and hopefully will never come back again. 

 What worked for us is: 

– Giving Chloe space. When the tantrum started I would take her to her room, explain that I will leave her and come back when she calms down. 

– Once calm I would give her lots of cuddles and ask why she has behaved like that. Most of the time she wouldn’t know, I would try and help her identify the feelings. 

– Explain to her that she cannot behave like that, that this is a very naughty behaviour and that there are consequences. Most of the time I would take away her dessert for a day or she wouldn’t have story time, wouldn’t be allowed to watch her favourite Peppa pig or go out to the playground. Also what didn’t work is taking toys away. She has lots of different toys so taking one didn’t make any difference, she would just play with something else. It has to be a real treat that you take away. 

– Tell her to stamp her feet when she gets angry and tell us when she feels it coming. She would tell us now that she is getting very sad. 

 Good luck to anyone who is going through it. Share any good ideas that you have on hot to deal with it. 

HOW TO GET BABY TO 😴 

When they are born they just sleep all the time (mostly on you) . Evenings are filled with this tiny, warm body snuggled in to you; Those are the best evenings you ever had… and then they grow and you need to start thinking about routine – How will I get them to sleep on their own? How will I get them not to be attached to my breast / bottle for the whole evening/night?


 How do I get my baby to sleep on their own ? Swaddle, Sheepskin, Whisbear and some notes taking and rocking will be involved (oh and dummy is they take it – Skylar refuses it)

1. OBSERVATION 

Observe for a week when your baby gets tired or sleeps. Look out for tiredness symptoms like rubbing eyes, pulling ear, yawning, falling asleep when being fed or when taken for a walk. Make notes each time your baby goes to sleep; if you do it over a week you should see a clear sleeping pattern forming. That’s when you will start to put your baby to sleep to make sure that they are ready for a nap. Why is it important? You won’t be able to get a not tired or overtired baby to sleep.   

As a guide 

3-6 months old baby 4 naps a day

6-12 months old baby 3 naps a day

12-18 months old baby 2 naps a day 

18 months and over one nap a day. 

Please do remember that this is just a guide and every baby is different . 
2. MAKE THE BED 

Make it warm, cosy and comfortable. They love sleeping on you because you are soft, comfortable and warm. Putting your baby to a cold Moses basket or crib/cot will not make them want to stay there. That’s where sheepskin is an amazing accessory. It keeps your baby body temperate perfect, is soft and cosy. 

3. WRAP IT UP 

Swaddling has worked perfectly for me with both of our girls. It makes babies feel secure, stops their arms from waking them up. They feel exactly how they did when they were in our tummies. 

4. TURN UP THE WHITE NOISE 

We all heard that white noise is good for calming babies as that is what they hear for the 9 months that they were inside us. It won’t get your baby magically to sleep but it will help them. We used Whisbear which reacts to noise and automatically turns itself on, which is great at night.

5. SET-UP THE SCENE 

 Dark and quiet rooms are very helpful with getting your baby to sleep especially when the baby gets a little bit older. 

6. PUT DOWN & PICK UP OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Purpose of it is to teach your baby to self soothe. You put your baby down when its drowsy but not fully asleep. If he/she starts crying you pick them up and rock them so they are drowsy again and put them down…. over and over again. 

7. OLD BORING ROUTINE

 Babies from around 3-4 months should have a bed routine and daily routine. Though routines are boring and oh so predictable kids love them. It also gives you a chance to plan your day and get everything done when your little one is resting. Don’t get me wrong a daily routine doesn’t mean that you have to be home every single day 7 days a week at the same time and cancel all appointments or meetings which don’t fit in your baby schedule. Babies can nap in the pram from time to time or their nap can be moved if needed. I am a firm believer that we shouldn’t run our life around baby and baby’s naps, it’s all about balancing your needs and baby’s needs. 


  Our gorgeous Skylar just turned 3 months. Until now she would always fall asleep on my breast, and I would spend the whole evening just cuddling her; on another hand she always sleeps very well at night, waking up only once or twice for food and then going back to sleep. It’s the time now to start getting proper routine in place and to slowly start teaching her how to go to sleep on her own. 

 My main advice to everybody is : just chill! There is a lot of different techniques  and opinions on how to teach your baby to self soothe  (which I will write about in my next post) some you will like some you will disagree with. Don’t put pressure on yourself and your baby. See what works for you, and do what you want to do; as far as it works for you and your baby and both of you are happy that the only thing that matters. 
 

HOW/CAN ? You prepare for your second child :-)Β 

How to prepare for your second child.I don’t think that there is anything you can do to prepare yourself for second child; but there are quite a few things you can do to make it easier for your first born.

BOOKS

As soon as your bump becomes visible start reading your child stories about “baby in mummy’s tommy” and them becoming big sister/brother .My favourite books were :


And “Princess Poly I am new big sister”. 

 . When/if you find out what you are having you can start reading books about them getting baby sister / brother. This will help them to understand what is happening and what is to come. 

GET THEM INVOLVE 

It’s very important that you get them involved in baby related things. We got Chloe involved in preparing for the new arrival: 

– helping to fold baby clothes (or shall I say unfold? πŸ˜‚) which she loved, she would pick up every single garment and say: mummy look it’s so small ! 

– taking her to midwife appointments to check that “baby is ok”. 

– help decorate her sisters nursery (choosing where to put toys, what photos to put in to frames)

– going shopping to buy things for the baby and asking for her help with it. 



PRESENT FROM THE BABY

What makes the inconvenience of the arrival of the sibling more bearable is a nice present. Your Firstborn is more likely to “like” someone who gave him present (especially when it is something that they really wanted). 

VISITING RULES

Make sure that your guest give your child as much attention as they will give to the baby. It is a very good idea to get your toddler to show quests where the baby is and ask him questions about the baby. It will make them feel very important. 
LITTLE HELPER

 Get your toddler to help with the baby. Getting involved in everyday tasks will stop your toddler feeling excluded. Giving nappy and wipes, bringing blanket etc all of those little things will make them feel as a very important big sister/brother. 
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

 The hardest thing for your child to deal with will be lack of attention. They live gets thrown up side down; one day they are the only person who gets your attention the next day there is someone who gets much more of your attention than they do. Make sure that each day you do spend quality time with your toddler. Put aside an hour a day when your baby is sleeping when you can have lots of fun with your toddler; it will be hard when you are sleep deprived but it will make a huge difference to your child. 

NEW ROUTINE

 You won’t be able to follow all of your old routines of bathing, feeding, reading stories, tucking in to bed. Make sure that you make new ones which involve the baby and work with having two kids. My husband does Chloe’s batch time and bed time routine but I make sure to take Skylar to Chloe’s room for her bed time story. This now has become our new family routine and Chloe loves it. 

 Those things has worked for us. Chloe has adapted very quickly to the new family dynamics and is in love with her baby sister . 

Guilt !!! Bad mom !!!Β 

This week was my first week of maternity leave. Yes it is already that time!!! I have only 2 weeks left to my due date (hopefully it will be less than that!).

 As you can imagine, I am crazy busy. Because I was working full time and have a toddler I haven’t managed to do a lot inpreparation  for my new arrival. What we have managed to accomplish is to order/buy everything and dump it in the spare bedroom 😁. 


 Now that I am on maternity leave I could start getting things done …. once toddler is out of the way. I decided to keep Chloe in the nursery for 2 full days so I could get on with things …. what I didn’t expect is the guilt !!! I have been feeling so guilty for leaving her at the nursery and going home!!!! This is crazy !!! How can I feel so guilty about it??!! I am a good mum who does everything and anything for her girl, so why do I feel so bad that I feel like crying when I leave her there? (I can’t only blame it on my hormones). 

 Monday I was feeling bad but I was so busy with painting, unpacking etc that I just keep pushing it out of my mind.    Today though I decided that I need to get my hair done (in between sorting out the nursery) and trust me I desperately needed it done. I was prepared to feel as bad as on Monday … but this is much worst ! How dare I take some time to myself and leave my girl at the nursery??!!! Bad monther, bad mother !!! Why do we feel so guilty??!! This is irrational! We already give most of our life to our kids, we should be able to take a little brake to treat ourselfs without this horrible guilt feeling hanging over our heads ! 

✨✨✨BABY SPRINKLE ✨✨✨

Baby Sprinkle, Yes this time it is called a Baby Sprinkle not a Baby Shower. Let me explain; A Baby Sprinkle is a less lavish Baby Shower to welcome your second, third, fourth baby ….. 😊 It’s much smaller and much less extravagant, with the Mum To Be being sprinkled with gifts instead of showered with them. It’s all about having a lovely time with your closest friends and family. Its a tradition which started in America only a couple of years ago, it’s still very new so not many people celebrate it. 

I wanted to do something for the second baby, it seemed to me unfair to have a big celebration when I was expecting my first daughter and to do nothing for the second one…. I definitely didn’t want to be the one explaining to my second daughter why there are no photos of her baby shower. 

Are there any rules? From what I have found out it’s very similar to a Baby Shower with a few exceptions:

 INVITATIONS 

 Yes you have to have them but this time it can be much less formal: an invitation sent through internet/ group text this time is more than enough (but if you want a fancy traditional invitation go for it). 

WHO ORGANISES IT

The same rules apply as with a Baby Shower; Your friend or your family can organise it, or if you are a control freak like me you do it yourself 😊.

 THEME 

There are no rules when it comes to it, go with what you like, or forget about the theme all together and just have a lovely dinner/lunch/tea party. 

TIME

As with a Baby Shower you should organise it by the end of your pregnancy, but at the time that you are still feeling well with minimal chances of going in to labour. 1 to 2 months before due date will be perfect. A Baby Sprinkle should last around 2 hours, it is much shorter than a Baby Shower which usually takes the whole afternoon. 

PRESENTS

Don’t expect any. Yes you can make a registered gift list or a general gift list but remember that you already have most of the things for baby so it should only be small things on it. This time is all about just having a lovely time and not the presents. 

 I had my Baby Sprinkle last weekend and I had a lovely time. A much smaller event than the 40 guests that I had last time. Chloe has loved having a party (“Chloe’s and Baby Sister’s Party”) and being allowed to eat lots of treats. Here are some photos …

NO !! NO !! NO !! NO MUMMY !! NO DADDY!!Β 

 My happy, very good, cheerful child has changed overnight in to a crying, whining NO NO NO NO to everything baby !! Welcome to the Terrible Twos stage! 

 4 days ago Chloe woke up as a totally different child. Instead of seeing her happy smiley face in the morning I got crying Chloe who was getting in to tantrums every 5 minutes about everything !!! And that’s how she is since then. 

 Everything is a “NO”! Oh no it’s not only one NO, its “NO NO NO MUMMY” !!! With a finger shake added for impact and very often a tantrum when she is throwing herself on the floor and crying like crazy without a reason ….. 

It starts from the early morning:

Mum: Chloe do you want to go downstairs? 

Chloe: NO!  

Mum: Chloe do you want your milk (she loves her morning milk) 

Chloe: NO! 

Mum: I go and make it anyway, while I do it I am being told million of times “No No No mummy”, then she throws herself on the floor and starts to cry … I try to cuddle her; she throws herself on the floor and cries while saying “No mummy No”; I make the milk and leave it on the table … Few seconds later she is drinking it?

Mum: Chloe let’s go and play 

Chloe: No 

Mum: If she doesn’t want to play I will make myself a coffee …

Chloe: No No No No mummy ! 

Mum: Eeerrrrr No what? I am not even looking at her at this moment !!!! And then she is off to play happily.

Mum: Chloe let’s go and change your nappy.

Chloe: NO NNNNOOOOO mummy. Off I take her screaming and crying upstairs, and I will just say that changing a nappy becomes a performance of its own. 

This gives you a taste of how my last few days have been looking. Everything is a “NO”, lots of crying, tantrums … And try to tell her No to something πŸ˜‚ the meltdown that you get is something. 

 This episode in your toddlers’ life is called the TERRIBLE TWOs or as some likes to call it TODDLER REFUSAL! It can develop at any time between 19 months and 30 months. Comes unannounced and strikes with full power, then disappears without a word (I hope so !!!!). It can last anything from a few days to a few weeks but the specialists say that it will definitely go away sooner or later, so remember and keep repeating: it’s just a phase, it’s just a phase…. The reasons behind this behaviour is simple- toddlers say “no” because they can. “They’ve just found out that they have a will, and they want to exercise it,”(Susanne Denham, Professor of Developmental Psychology at George Mason University). When it comes to the tantrums different specialists say different things: some say that we are being tested by the kids to see if having a tantrum will give them what they want, some say that it’s because a toddler cannot express itself, some say that it’s just a reaction to escape a demand and some that it’s pure attention seeking.

 There are tricks which can help with this difficult stage and I must say they work. Sometimes they will make the tantrum go away, sometimes they will prevent it, but remember they will not stop it totally and you have to be prepared for the battle of wills. 

1. Offer choices 

 Give your toddler options. Options on how to do something, not if they want to do it. It makes them feel in control of what they are doing and that makes them happy. 

 If you ask him/her if they want breakfast the answer will be a very loud NO though we know that they want to eat! Instead give an option of cereal or toast. 

I found meal times especially difficult. Chloe would just scream when I put her in her highchair, she would scream if I took her off … I didn’t have a clue what to do! So I started giving her lots of different things on her plate so she could choose what she wanted to eat (one main meal which is what we are eating and lots of different vegetables, few plain pasta, a fruit). This and taking the highchair tray off so she could “sit with us at the table” worked miricles and she started eating pretty much everything again. 

 When dressing them give options of two outfits and get them to try and dress themselves. 

Going for a walk I would ask Chloe what shoes she wants to wear and if she wants to walk or take the pram. 

2. Distraction 

 If she/he kick off with yet another tantrum just get them to look at something, pretend that you hear something, show them another toy etc. Works 70% of the time. This will stop them crying for long enough so you can show them something what will keep them occupied. I always say “Chloe have you seen the train?” (she is obsessed with them) and then take her to another room and try to play with her. 

 When changing a nappy (which for some reason Chloe started hating with a passion) I use toys to stop the tantrum and crying. I tell her that we will change theirs nappies afterwards and she can clean theirs bums, or I tell her that all of her favourite toys are looking at her, and they will scream and cry when she tries to change their nappies 😁 so far it has been working. 
3. Ignoring

  Sometimes nothing will work and you just will need to let them cry and calm down a bit. If the reason behind the tantrum is you saying “No” to something then you will have to ignore it. As tempting as it is do not give in and stay strong, if not your toddler might learn that if they behave that way they will always get what they want …. And you don’t want to incurage behaviour like that, do you ?😊 or you can just lay down and scream with them 😊

4. Little helpers

 Get them to help you with whatever you are doing. Kids love to “help”, it makes them happy. Be prepared for everything to take twice as long, but I will be worth it. Helping with hanging the washing, folding clothes, tidying up, dusting etc


Have you gone throught this stage ? Do you have any tips ? Please share with us !