My maternity leave has officially finished !!!!  It’s 5am and I am on my train to work (I start at crazy 6am so we can get things done before all of you guys come shopping 😊) after not sleeping most of the night. I feel so so so sad but also pleased with myself as I didn’t burst out crying yet! 

 Yesterday has been a very emotional day, it has been a 2nd anniversary since my mum was taken away from me by the Angels and a day when I couldn’t pretend anymore that going back to work isn’t happening. 

 Realisation that I won’t be there in the morning when my daughter wakes up (shit it’s happening I am siting on the tube and I am crying !!). This will be the first time in her short life that she won’t see her mummy when she wakes up. 

 Realisation that I won’t be there to have a breakfast with her and a morning cuddle (people will start giving me funny looks if I don’t stop crying …) 

 Realisation that someone else will be seeing her cheeky smile through the day, someone else will be putting her to sleep and comforting her is she is upset …

 Realisation that I will see her only 3,5 hours in the day ( god I didn’t take any tissues with me !!!) 

 Plan to survive today is to not think about Chloe and could down time until I can run back home. 

 I know that with time I will be fine and that millions of women go through this every year and they are fine …. But right now at this time I feel horrible…. 

Ps: I have managed to stop crying ! 

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