Before Chloe was born you would hear me say : I am coming back to work after 6 months on maternity. You see I was a workaholic and I loved my job in fashion! Soon after Chloe was born only thinking about work and needing to live Chloe was stressing me out. My beautiful baby has totally changed me and the way a see work. I quickly decided that I am taking my full one year maternity leave (it’s very fortunate that I can do it) and decided not to think about it. 

 But now as Chloe is 8 month old I have had no choice but to face the fear of going back to work.  What was making the whole process worst is the fact that all of my mum friends are going back to work part time (most of them are teachers) and I know that I won’t be able to do it.  I work for one of the biggest fashion high street brands as a Visual Merchandiser Menager … We know that fashion and retail aren’t really baby friendly + you simply can’t do my job for only 3 days a week. The whole situation was making me feel really shit! Even the fact that my in laws will be looking after Chloe for 3 days a week wasn’t making me feel any better … Why? Because simply no one can look after her as well as I can ! No one knows my baby as well as I do!  

 So I had a meeting with work to discuss going back, what are my expectation, how flexible am I ect. But it does feels a bit like a waste of time as I know that they won’t accommodate what I really want. So we have this meeting where they are pretending that they care and are open minded ( if you are not flexible or want to do part time you will need to step down) ; and where I am pretending that I want to do full time and that I am excited to go back 😁 . The whole meeting is just a joke 😁

 But I got the ball rolling which I am proud of, now I am trying to see how far I can push. I will return to work few weeks later than my maternity finishes which is amazing as it gives me 3 more weeks with my girl. I have also asked to work for the first few months 4 days a week … Let’s see if they will agree to it….

 I have some keep in touch days coming up … That shall be interesting as I have never left my baby for a long time ! 

What I am trying to do very hard is not to think about going back and pretending that it’s not happening 😊